He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
