After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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