Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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