we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
