you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dignity is for republicans.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
