I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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