she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
