I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
