I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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