I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
What a dumb baby whore.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
