Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
