Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
