you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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