His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
