well you can't waste a boner
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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