By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Randomize
