The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
