please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
