im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
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The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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