So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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