8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
