well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize