areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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