is your mom at the bar?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
