Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
