Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
