I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
