So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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