this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
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