so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
