ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
