drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
