I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
