a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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