Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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