I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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