how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
