The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
