He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
