i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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