I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The air taste purple.
Randomize