Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
