Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
