i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
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at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
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Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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