Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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