thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
