So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
