i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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