Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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