How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize