the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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