is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
