Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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