Christians are straight up FREAKS
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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