Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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