this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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