Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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