the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
