doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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