summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
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