I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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