Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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