Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
