I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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