it wasn't lemon gatorade
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
