Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
