I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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