Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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