totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
