you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
