what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
