Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Four minutes until I can fart!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
