using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
