Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
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He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
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there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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