Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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